acculturation

acculturation-- n.  1. The modification of a culture of a group or individual as a result of contact with a different culture. 2. The process by which the culture of a particular society is instilled in a human being from infancy onward.

A few weeks ago my three-year-old daughter ran up to me with a pout and stated in no uncertain terms that she “doesn’t like Africans.” 

Shoke.  Swallow. Shock.  Mortification. 

Of course at that very moment I was in a public setting while I was visiting with…an "African."  What is a parent to do?  At the time all I could think of was to mumble something about being careful that only kind words come out of her mouth and that we would talk about what she meant later…while also saying a quick prayer of thanks that my daughter had chosen to say those words in a language not commonly understood by the general public.

Later came. And my sweet, honest little daughter, once again emphatically stated that she doesn’t like Africans.  And so began an ongoing conversation that came up over the course of several weeks.  As any sensitive parent we started off with gentle questions like, “What makes you say that, sweetie?” (I just don’t like them.)  We discussed God’s  love for all people and how we want to be like Him. (Yes, I know He died for Africans but I just don’t like them).  We talked about the inherent inaccuracy of her statement in that off the top of her head she can name a half a dozen people she adores who are African.  (Well, I love them, but I don’t like all the other Africans).  

And we have taken the opportunity to spend a good deal of time addressing the point that one doesn’t need to speak out loud every thought one has—especially if it is unkind.

I have to say that after several weeks of this issue re-surfacing I was beginning to experience some very strong feelings of inadequacy both as a parent and as a believer living in Africa.  I mean, these are some fundamental issues—“loving your neighbor as yourself,”  “unity in the body of Christ,” “in humility considering others better than ourselves,” imitating Christ in making oneself nothing so as to be relevant to those we have come to serve, not to mention “taming the tongue”—ideas that we value and have attempted to instill in our children.  Where have we gone so wrong?

Then the other day as we were driving down the road, literally out of the blue she leaned forward and asked, “Mom, can I laugh too?”  (Whaaaat?)  “I’ve decided that I will like Africans if I can laugh, too.” (Oh.  Um.  What exactly are you talking about?)  “They are always laughing at me.  And I know you said it’s their culture and they aren’t being unkind.  But I still don’t like it when they laugh at me when I get hurt.  But if you say that I can laugh at them, too, then I won’t get angry any more.  So can I, Mom?  Can I laugh at them, too?”

“Yes, sweetie.  You can laugh, too.  They want you to laugh with them.”

So...all this time I've been worrying about how to address prejudice and snobbery in my three-year old while she's been wrestling with being embarassed by a culture she's trying to understand.  And in the end she decides that rather than remain hurt and offended  she will adjust her own thinking (North American culture--We don’t laugh at people when they get hurt) to that of those around her (Mozambican culture—We laugh to lighten a tense or embarrassing moment). 

Acculturation.

P.S. In the off chance she laugh's hysterically at your child when he falls and scrapes his knee...oh...we'll deal with that when it comes.